Party Crashers
by obsidianLight16
Summary: Sasori and Itachi get invited to Orochimaru's 50th birthday party. Orochimaru makes it a point not to invite the rest, but will soon come to regret this decision. After all, the others don't like being left out. All Orochimaru wants is a normal party...


**A/N: Well hooray for getting to a 50th story! I figured I'd write something in correspondence with the number and here's what I ended up with. This is actually pretty weird- writing all these Akatsuki stories with a couple of other character ones. Especially seeing as my first favorite character was Neji... and all the other Konoha shinobi. **

**But- oh well! **

**Pretty cool making it this far huh? And my writing's gotten better than when I first started out and-**

**Deidara: And no one cares. What are you giving a speech for un?**

**Obsidian: Why are you interrupting me? That's it- you've been moved down below Itachi. He's now number one!"**

**Deidara: What? Why you-**

**Pein *rolls eyes* : Okay guys. Could we get on with the story now?**

**Obsidian: Yeah. Fine. I would just like to seriously and honestly thank those who have read my stories up to this point. Your readings, favorites, and reviews mean a lot. Especially because-**

**Deidara: Are you leaving or something? It's no big deal yeah!**

**Obsidian: It's a big deal to me...**

**Deidara: Well congratulations *sarcasm***

**Obsidian *pulls out a clipboard and pencil, sneering at Deidara* : Bottom of the list for you**

**Deidara *pops a vein and lunges***

**Pein: Really guys? Really? *goes to pull them apart***

**Itachi *appears from nowhere* : Since no one is paying attention anymore, I'll handle the warning. Warning: Language, OOC, violence, and anything else you find needs one.**

**Obsidian: And I own none of the character or rights! **

**^v6**

* * *

><p>It was a peaceful summer day in Amegakure, Pein finding it within the kindness of his heart to stop the torrential downpour of rain during the three month season and cause everyone in the surrounding area to suffer from massive drought.<p>

After all, he couldn't be too nice- what with being the leader of a powerful criminal organization.

A respected organization filled with shinobi of the utmost skill and professionalism-

"Alright bitches! I've bought popsicles!" Hidan loudly proclaimed, kicking open the front door of their new temporary base which happened to be a three-story house.

Living in a boulder just wasn't cut out enough for such a prestigious group like Akatsuki.

Immediately Tobi and Deidara ran down the stairs from the second floor to the first, lunging towards Hidan in a maddened frenzy.

"Finally un! What took you so long?" Deidara frowned, throwing open the red cooler Hidan had dragged in behind him.

"Tobi's dying!" Madara pathetically wailed, although he was really contemplating ways to kill the immortal for having to suffer from the heat. _I should never have to wait! _

Hidan crossed his arms, leaning to the side while staring at the two shinobi ransacking the cooler. "I didn't take that fuckin' long."

"You were gone for a month un," Deidara deadpanned, pulling out a handful of wrapped popsicles.

Hidan rolled his eyes, a slight scowl on his face. "There were some technical difficulties."

"Yeah- with your brain," Madara muttered under his breath.

Hidan shot the masked man a vicious glare. "What the fuck did you say?"

Madara blinked. "Tobi didn't say anything. It was Deidara-sempai!" he exclaimed before hijacking a bunch of popsicles and vanishing from sight.

Deidara stared in disbelief after Tobi and then slowly turned his eyes onto the fuming immortal in front of him.

Hidan maliciously grinned. "Got any last words fucker?"

"Um…" Deidara glanced from side-to-side before looking down at the popsicles he held. "KATSU!" he shouted, throwing the treats at Hidan's face and then booking it back up the stairs.

Hidan threw the popsicles out of his way with an enraged howl before charging after the blonde bomber. "I'M GOING TO-" he tripped over the cooler. "FUCK!"

Deidara paused at the top of the stairs and grinned cockily at the fallen Jashinist. "Nice going _moron _un."

Hidan jumped to his feet, eyes flaming. "YOU'RE DEAD!"

Deidara snickered and stuck his tongue out, only narrowly avoid being pegged in the eye with a fiercely thrown kunai. He stepped back with wide eyes. "Whoa!"

Hidan smirked, pulling out several more of the tiny arsenals. "No where to run punk."

Deidara started to run up the steps. "Kuso!"

"What are you two doing?" Kisame asked, rolling his eyes as he collided with the blonde. He saw the oncoming weapons, plucking all of the kunai right before they could make contact with either of them, and then threw them back at Hidan- tacking the Jashinist up against the wall. The shark-nin then grabbed Deidara and proceeded to carry him down the stairs under an arm. "It's breakfast- you know the rules. No playing with dangerous tools inside the house," he said.

Deidara popped a vein, beginning to flail his arms. "Who the hell is playing?" he asked. "Put me down!"

"Yeah! Get me the hell off of here!" Hidan shouted from the wall, blood pouring from where the kunai had punctured him in the arms and legs.

Kisame opted to ignore Hidan, walking into the kitchen instead. He set down Deidara and then went over to the table where everyone else was present and accounted for.

Deidara sent Tobi a vicious glare. "I'm going to kill you."

"You'll do no such thing," Pein said from the head of the table, reading through a magazine. "We need _someone _to do our chores around here."

Madara glanced at him sourly beneath his mask. "Keep thinking that…" he muttered.

Pein looked at him. "Did you say something?"

Madara laughed obnoxiously, scratching the back of his neck. "Ahahahaha! Of course not Leader-san!"

Deidara grumbled to himself as he stalked to the seat in between Sasori and Kakuzu. "Whatever un. Hidan bought popsicles," he said, getting a plate from the center of the table and starting to fill it with waffles and bacon.

"Hidan?" Konan looked at him from across the table. "Didn't he leave a month ago?"

"So he did," Deidara mumbled, pushing his plate to Sasori so he could cut his waffles.

Sasori glanced at his partner and then pushed the plate back.

Deidara furrowed his brow, shoving the plate over again.

Sasori narrowed his eyes and gave it a rough push towards the blonde.

Deidara scowled. "Will you cut it already!"

"I would if you'd stop pushing it under my nose!" Sasori snapped.

"No- that's not what I meant," Deidara said, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration.

Kakuzu growled in annoyance from the other side of Deidara, grabbing the plate and starting to cut the waffles into tiny squares. "You're both morons," he said.

Pein watched the trio and then looked at Itachi who was quietly sipping a glass of fruit punch. "Would you mind getting the mail for me please?"

"Actually, I do," Itachi darkly grumbled.

"I said please."

"I said no."

Pein felt his eyes turn to slits. "Go get the mail Itachi!"

Itachi angrily stood from the table, slamming his hands onto its surface. "Fine!" he yelled. He dramatically swooped out of the room with a flourish of his cloak, spitting curses like fire left and right. "Hogwash! Blasphemy! Revenge!"

Everyone stared after him, slightly freaked out.

"Who left the angst wizard films out last night?" Zetsu asked. **"Oops." **"_What? How could it have been you?" _**"I snuck us to the living room while you were asleep." **

"But aren't you attached?" Kisame questioned from the seat beside him.

"**Aren't you supposed to SHUT THE HELL UP!" **Black Zetsu roared, stabbing his fork into the man's hand.

"Ow! What the- Zetsu!" Kisame exclaimed, trying to pull the eating utensil from his hand.

Itachi stalked back into the kitchen then, holding the mailbox over one shoulder and Hidan's head in his free hand.

Pein felt an eye twitch. "I thought I said to get the mail."

"It's inside isn't it? Next time be more specific!" Itachi snapped, chucking the piece of wood and plastic at his leader.

Pein ducked and let it hit the wall behind him. He gave Itachi a sour look and then got out of his chair to rummage through the inside of the mailbox.

Itachi set Hidan's head down on the table beside Konan and then went back to drinking his juice, resolutely ignoring the horrified look the blue-haired woman gave him.

Hidan glared at Konan. "What the fuck are you looking at bitch?"

Konan dangerously narrowed her eyes before throwing his head under the table.

"Hey! Get me out from here!"

Kakuzu kicked him in the nose. "Whoops."

"You _so _did that on purpose asshole!" Hidan yelled.

"Hey everyone-" Pein suddenly said, gaining all of their attention. "Sasori got an invitation." He handed the redhead an official looking letter before sitting back in his seat and shuffling through the rest of the mail.

Sasori took the letter looking mildly interested.

Everyone stared as he opened it.

"You're all creeps," Sasori muttered, taking out the card inside the creamy envelope and flipping it open. His brows rose as he scanned the letter, letting out a tiny noise of surprise.

"What's the matter?" Kisame asked.

Sasori glanced at him. "Orochimaru's throwing a birthday party today. It's his fiftieth birthday and he's invited me and Itachi to go."

Itachi looked at him. "Rubbish!"

Sasori raised a brow. "Okay Itachi."

"Well that's nice-" Konan cut herself off, suddenly angry. "What about everyone else?"

"Let's see…" Sasori re-read the letter, noticing the fine print at the bottom in italics. "It says that everyone else isn't allowed to go and if they do try to come in, they'll be locked out the house."

"What? Why?" Madara titled his head to the side. "Tobi was a good boy last year! And parties are fun!"

"And it's his big 5-0!" Pein said, looking a bit offended. "We should be there to celebrate as a group!"

"Sure there was some…_trouble_ last year but…" Kakuzu trailed off.

Hidan tried and failed to roll his head forward so he could join in the discussion. "I wanna party! Let's go to the damn thing!"

"No, you guys are definitely not allowed to go," Sasori re-confirmed.

They all started to clean up, eating the last bits of food on their plates.

"I don't understand why he wouldn't invite everyone else un," Deidara said as he shoved the last forkful of waffle into his mouth. "I mean- he let us go last year."

Everyone stared at him.

Deidara blinked. "What un?"

"You not only set his pants on fire," Zetsu began to say, "but you got drunk off of a bunch of juice boxes and started bombing everything in sight." **"Fuckin' crazy kid."**

Deidara thoughtfully looked up. "Did I really? I don't remember un."

"I want to fuckin' go though!" Hidan whined once Kisame picked his head up from under the table.

"You can't," Sasori told him with a roll of his eyes. "You weren't invited."

"I'm sure Orochimaru won't mind a few extra guests," Pein said, wiping the corner of his mouth with a napkin. He stood back from the table, surveying his group. "Let's get dressed and get going."

Kisame lifted a brow. "Dressed in what?"

Pein hummed to himself for a while. "Our cloaks. They go nicely with any season."

"You're only saying that because you have a built in air-conditioner in yours," Kakuzu grouched.

"Well let's at least bring water," Konan said. "Just in case it gets too hot."

Pein scoffed, nonchalantly waving a hand. "Who needs water? We're _S-_ranked criminals. We're too badass for something as cute as _water bottles_."

Itachi moodily crossed his arms. "Agreed."

Everyone rolled their eyes.

* * *

><p><strong>-Four Hours and a Heat Delirious Pein and Itachi Later-<strong>

* * *

><p>"So is this where the fucker lives?" Hidan asked, staring gob-smacked at the six-story mansion in front of them.<p>

Sasori glanced up from the piece of paper he held. "That's what the invitation says."

"But it's _huge_!" Hidan exclaimed, waving his arms around. In the front yard, many children could be seen running around and playing on a giant moon bounce. There was also a mini pool and piñata set up. Hidan was baffled to say in the least. "How can the guy afford all this stuff?"

"Don't be stupid," Pein said, drawing pictures on the back of Kakuzu's cloak with his finger. "All of the Legendary Sannins are rich Hidan."

"Except if your name is Tsunade," Konan said with a light laugh.

All of them paused and then laughed as if sharing an inside joke, except for Itachi who was slapping his knee and cackling madly. After a while the mutual laughter stopped, and they were all left staring at the Uchiha who was now rolling on the ground and breathing in the scent of Orochimaru's flower garden.

Kisame sighed, picking his partner up by the back of his cloak. "Alright 'Tachi, that's enough for now."

Itachi muttered something under his breath but conceded all the same.

"Alright," Zetsu said. "Who wants to ring the doorbell?"

"Ooh! I do!" Hidan happily shouted, holding up an arm.

Everyone deadpanned. "Go for it."

Hidan lead the way, weaving through the giddy children up to the large front porch. He looked behind him at the other members with a victorious sneer for no reason and then rang the doorbell.

Kabuto opened the door.

Hidan grinned. "Hey fucker-!"

The door slammed shut.

Hidan felt a vein pop, immediately banging on the door in anger. "Open the hell back up bitch! We've just come to party!"

"Go away," Kabuto's voice said.

"WELL FUCK YOU TOO!"

Kakuzu grabbed his partner by the back of his collar. "Shut up moron. We'll just find another way to get in."

Hidan seemed to calm at this, though he was still slightly irked at Kabuto. "That punk has a horrible attitude," he complained under his breath.

"I didn't think we'd be that unwelcome un," Deidara muttered.

"What do we do?" Zetsu worriedly questioned. **"It'd be a waste to just head back home."**

"Yeah- I don't want to have traveled all this way for nothing," Kisame mumbled, reaching out an arm to stop Itachi and Pein from joining the frolicking kids around them.

"Don't worry," Konan told them all with a smile as they walked through the yard. "We'll get inside no matter what."

* * *

><p><strong>-Several Attempted Break-ins Later-<strong>

* * *

><p>The Akatsuki gruffly stared at the large mansion they were clearly unwelcome in.<p>

"Okay, so we've tried climbing ladders, scaling the roof, using kids as hostages-" Sasori counted off on his fingers as he spoke. "Um, using ourselves as hostages, attempting to dig a hole to Orochimaru's underground basement, and our recent attempt which was throwing bricks at the windows."

"But then that Sakon kid put up seals everywhere," Kisame said.

"What do we do now?" Madara asked with slightly furrowed brows. "Tobi thinks that if we can get one person inside, they can let us all in."

"That's good planning and all," Konan said, "but who would we send? And how would they get inside?"

"I can slip through the walls," Zetsu offered.

"Hmm…we'll figure something out," Kakuzu musingly said. "But busting windows won't work anymore."

"Agreed un," Deidara said. "Should we figure out a way to deactivate the seals?"

"That'll take too long," Madara childishly said. "Orochimaru-san's party will be halfway over by then."

_"Um- hello?"_ White Zetsu popped a vein. **"They're not listening…"**

"We could pick the locks I guess," Konan suggested.

"But Kabuto put up a bunch of seals," Kisame reminded her. "So we wouldn't be able to get in with bobby pins anyway."

"How about the chimney?" Itachi asked, perking up considerably.

"They don't have a chimney Itachi," Sasori soothingly told him.

Itachi frowned and went back to braiding Pein's hair. "Oh…"

Pein looked at the puppet, a grin on his face. "We can build one right?"

Sasori deadpanned. "No way."

"**OK- screw it. We're going in on our own,**" Black Zetsu muttered, walking away from the group of nine.

"Dammit!" Hidan cursed, smashing a fist into his palm. "How do we get in?"

"Here's a _wacky _idea," Deidara sarcastically said. "Why don't we just break into his house using our _shinobi skills_?"

Konan stared at him with narrowed eyes, stroking her chin in thought. "Hmm…I don't like the way you said that."

Deidara rolled his eyes. "Does it really matter un?"

"Sempai's right," Madara spoke up. "We'll sneak in and then get Orochimaru-san back somehow for not letting us in."

"Great idea!" Kisame gleefully exclaimed. "But…how do we sneak in?"

* * *

><p><strong>-One Obnoxiously Large Explosion Later-<strong>

* * *

><p>The nine members of Akatsuki stumbled inside, coughing and trying to rub the dust out of their eyes.<p>

"Geez Deidara," Hidan wheezed, hacking for air. "Couldn't you have used a smaller explosive?"

"And ruin the art? No way!" Deidara said, looking affronted.

"_That _was hardly art," Sasori muttered.

"I'll say," a familiarly peeved voice said.

All eyes went to the person in front of them. And then they blanched.

"Hey Orochimaru," Itachi grinned.

The snake sannin greeted them in the narrow hallway, eyes narrowed and arms folded tightly across his chest. "Hello fellow Akatsuki members," he said. "Is there a reason why you've blown up my back wall and raised my carpentry bill for this month? After I _specifically_ told you not to show up?"

They all exchanged glances.

"We can explain," Konan said.

Orochimaru looked at her. "Please do."

Konan scratched the side of her cheek. "Right. Er- Pein can explain."

"Get Hidan to explain," Pein flippantly said.

"Me? Fuck that! Get Kakuzu to!"

"No. Sasori should-"

"I refuse." Sasori glanced at the person beside him. "Deidara should. He's the one that blew up the wall in the first place."

Deidara rolled his eyes, holding up his hands. "I'm not saying anything. Get Tobi to explain."

"But Tobi doesn't know why sempai blew up the wall," Madara said.

"Well neither do I un!" Deidara shouted at him.

Orochimaru watched the bickering with growing annoyance, finally popping a vein and yelling, "Enough already! I don't care who blew up my wall or why! I just want you guys out of my house!"

Kisame held up his arms for peace. "Look Orochimaru, we just wanted to celebrate your birthday with you. But Kabuto and your other friends keep throwing us out without giving us a chance. I mean- I know we kicked you out of the organization, ruined your last six parties, send you pranks calls, and occasionally forget to give you Christmas presents and everything... But we still like having get-togethers. Won't you let us in? Even for a tiny bit?"

"..."

"Er...pretty please?" Kisame added with a half-smile.

Orochimaru sighed in defeat, his heart moved by the tiny speech. "I guess as long as you don't cause any trouble you can stay," he said. "But only one of you! Maybe if I'm in a good mood I'll let you all back in for bingo," he kindly added.

The Akatsuki exchanged a glance.

"Well we definitely won't let Pein or Itachi stay and make things worse," Kisame murmured, a sense of responsibility falling over him.

"And you and I should stay back to watch them," Konan said from beside him. "Deidara gets too excited and Hidan might kill someone so they're off the list too…"

"What about Tobi?" Madara innocently asked.

Konan shot him a glare. "No."

Madara scowled under his mask. "Damn bitch…"

Konan grabbed him by the ear. "What was that?" she loudly asked, popping a vein.

Orochimaru looked around at the members whose names had not been spoken, eyes lighting up slightly when they landed on his old partner. "Would you like to stay Sasori? I can show you some new poisons I've developed. And I did invite you, you know."

Sasori sweatdropped, already heading out the hole in the wall they created. "No thanks. I'm…not a people person."

All of the Akatsuki deadpanned.

Orochimaru looked a bit put out. "Oh. Well maybe you can come over for game night when there's less people," he offered.

Sasori spared him a glance. "Maybe."

"Since Sasori isn't a 'people person'," Deidara said using air quotes, "I guess the only one left is Kakuzu un."

Everyone stared at at the half-masked man.

Kakuzu stared back.

"…"

"…"

"Fine!" Kakuzu threw his arms up into the air.

Orochimaru eyed the half-masked man somewhat warily. "I…._suppose _it's alright to have Kakuzu. I haven't spoken to him much, but I'm sure we'll get along…possibly."

"Oh he's very nice," Konan assured him.

"On good days that is," Madara added.

"But sometimes he can be a real moody bitch!" Hidan helpfully exclaimed.

Kakuzu felt an eye start to twitch. "This real moody bitch is standing right here!"

All three turned to look at him. "I'm sorry, did you say something?" Konan politely inquired.

"No…" Kakuzu ground out. He turned on his heel. "Okay Orochimaru, let's head back into your party before I go raving mad."

"Good idea." Orochimaru gave the man a small smile. "I don't want to keep my guests too unoccupied. Last year I did that, Kabuto and Anko started to have a competition on who could pull the most swords out of their mouths. And then they both started choking and blood got everywhere! Do you remember?" he asked. "It was before I brought out the juice boxes."

Kakuzu violently twitched. "I'd...rather not reflect on that..."

Orochimaru nodded and then walked towards his living room.

Kakuzu sighed heavily and made to follow when Kisame grabbed him by the elbow. He glared over his shoulder. "What is it?"

Kisame sternly stared at him. "Don't screw anything up. If you're good, he'll let all of us back in."

Kakuzu pulled away, brows raised. "I got it, I got it. Just make sure you idiots don't do anything to ruin his yard outside."

Kisame saluted. "Will do."

* * *

><p><strong>-Outside In Orochimaru's Front Yard About Thirty Minutes Later-<strong>

* * *

><p>"These kids are really happy, aren't they?" Deidara asked in a bored tone, fiddling with a twig of berries in one hand.<p>

"Yeah…" Kisame replied in an equally bored voice.

The Akatsuki were sitting in the front yard, looking at the all the tiny kids playing tag and their own mini games.

It was quite bland since they were doing their best not to get into trouble.

And as much as they wanted to join in, Orochimaru would never let them back in if they killed any kids.

Itachi grinned, happily watching the children having fun with one another and interacting with their friends. "I can't wait until my birthday party. Can we throw one just as big?"

Madara scoffed under his breath. "Why the hell would we waste money on you?"

Itachi narrowed his eyes. "What…did you just say?"

And without warning- he charged.

Madara's eyes widened beneath his mask. _Oh shit. _"I was kidding Itachi! Only kidding!"

Itachi continued to barrel straight at him, a mad gleam in his eye. "Come back Uncle Madara!"

Madara pivoted on his heel and started booking it through the yard, throwing and kicking all the children that were in his path out of his way. "Move! Get out the way! There's a crazy man after me!"

The children in front of him allowed their eyes to grow the size of saucers before they starting running alongside Madara in an attempt to get away.

Madara growled at the new addition on either side of him and made a sharp turn towards the back of the moon bounce to try and lose them. Unfortunately he didn't make a sharp enough turn, running into the tank that was pumping air into the giant inflatable structure.

It fell over on top of the rubber tube connecting the moon bounce together.

Madara stared at the tank he just knocked over and then shrugged. Running away from Itachi was much more important at the moment.

The only one who seemed to notice the huge moon bounce start to cave in was Pein and Deidara.

Deidara smirked. "Well now that Itachi's gone stir-fry crazy hmm…" He got up and walked towards the moon bounce with a predatory grin.

All the kids inside started screaming loudly and pushing at each other to escape.

Hidan, meanwhile, occupied himself with watching a short brunette boy blindfold himself and attempt to bust over a fairly large snake piñata. When he could take no more of the kid missing by _three _feet each time, he finally stalked over to the group of kids with a heavy glare.

The kids immediately backed away some.

"Hmph. Smart kids," Hidan grumbled. He snatched the large stick out of the brunette's hand. "Give me that fucker." He grinned up at the piñata, hefting the stick in his palm a bit. "Let me show you how it's REALLY DONE!" he excitedly roared, smashing the piece of wood into the Paper-Mache snake.

It exploded violently, candy flying everywhere and pegging the children surrounding him in the eyes and several vital points.

Konan came up behind him a moment later, noticing the children lying on the ground around them. "And you wonder why we don't let you get a piñata for your birthday," she dryly said, pulling the Jashinist away from the tree by the ear.

They passed by Pein who was watching the moon bounce collapse on the children inside, muttering something under his breath as Deidara set up a rectangular bomb around it. The blonde stepped back to admire his quite perfectly made corners and then formed a seal.

"These kids wanna fly un?" Deidara muttered in a somewhat deranged manner. "Then I'll _make_ them fly. Katsu!"

The moon bounce exploded wonderfully.

Sasori walked up beside his taller partner, appreciatively looking up at the sky. "I never knew kids could get that high," he commented.

"Hmm." Deidara squinted his visible eye, also looking up. "Me either."

Kisame looked at the flaming moon bounce, busted piñata, and screaming children running around him. Then he turned and started walking away from the mansion. "I had nothing to do with this…" he grumbled to himself.

* * *

><p><strong>-Inside the Living Room-<strong>

* * *

><p>Orochimaru looked up, an expression of worry on his face. They had been playing an intense game of go Fish when he thought he heard the sound of explosions and wailing from outside. "Kabuto- do me a favor and check what's happening outside with the children. You know how angry their parents get when they go missing."<p>

Kabuto nodded and wandered over to the window, throwing open the curtains.

He was greeted with the sight of frothing, panicking, and wildly running children being chased around the yard by Itachi, Deidara, and Tobi. The other members seemed to be leaving.

Although Sasori sat in a lawn chair with coconut drink and umbrella straw, watching the entire thing. He waved when he noticed Kabuto looking out at them.

"…"

Kabuto stared at the mayhem that was the front yard before turning around and closing the curtains behind him. "Okay!" he cheerfully said before his lord could question what all the horrified screaming outside was. "Let's exchange presents! Then we can eat the cake I baked this morning."

Orochimaru's attention was immediately diverted. "Hooray for presents!"

Kabuto walked over with a smile, although he managed to cast Kakuzu a searing glare on his way over to the couch Orochimaru sat on.

Kakuzu frowned, automatically knowing that the other members had done something idiotic against his warning. "It wasn't me," he said.

Orochimaru glanced at him. "What?"

"It was nothing Orochimaru-sama!" Kabuto quickly exclaimed, ushering the snake sannin off the couch and towards the dining room. "All the presents are in there! Come on everyone- we're giving out gifts now!"

The guests were a bit baffled as to why the normally calm medic nin was shouting, but figured he was just excited to show his lord his present and went happily into the dining room with Orochimaru.

Kabuto stopped Kakuzu before he could go in, pushing his glasses higher up on the bridge of his nose with a dark glint in his eye. "If one more thing goes wrong, you'll be thrown out of this party, understood?"

"What are you, my mom?" Kakuzu muttered, pushing past the teen. "I didn't do anything wrong yet."

"Yeah- yet," Kabuto muttered back.

When they got inside the dining room, Orochimaru was already ripping the wrapping paper off of a gift Tayuya had given him.

"I hope you like it asshole," Tayuya pleasantly spat.

Orochimaru held up the snow globe with a rock in the middle of it. "This looks oddly like the snow globe you gave me last year. And the year before that."

Tayuya blinked. "I don't know what the fuck you're talking about."

Orochimaru gave a small shrug and placed the snow globe down on the table in front of him, accepting a present from Kidomaru. He looked inside the small box and then coughed, bringing the lid back down over it. "Why do you have my shaver in here?" he asked.

"It's not yours," Kidomaru quickly said.

"It still has water and soap on it from this morning!" Orochimaru exclaimed.

"It was like that when I bought it," Kidomaru said with a shrug of his shoulder.

Orochimaru rolled his eyes, taking the presents from Sakon and Jirobo at the same time. "Let me guess," he dryly said, shaking the two boxes they handed over. "My underwear is in one, and the shoes you gave me last year is in the other."

Sakon grinned. "You're a psychic."

Orochimaru set the gifts down, crossing his arms and glaring at them. "All of you just raided my room last night, didn't you? That's why you had Kimimaru blindfold and push me down the steps!"

The Sound Four and Kimimaru exchanged a glance. _"No_…"

Orochimaru narrowed his eyes at them. "So you say."

"Relax Orochimaru-sama," Kabuto said with a smile, a fairly large box in his hands. "I brought you a gift."

His lord took the box with a surprised expression, shaking it lightly and then opening it up. He stared inside and then smiled. "A singing snake for Manda!"

Tayuya raised both brows. "They have those?"

Orochimaru shot her a glare.

"It was the last one in stock," Kabuto smugly said, pushing his glasses up on his nose.

Tayuya contemplated the different ways in which to punch the smirk off his face.

"Thank you Kabuto," Orochimaru angrily huffed, his bad mood back. "You seem to be the only one in this place that gives me something different and _store-_bought every year!"

Kabuto patted him consolingly on the back. "Of course Orochimaru-sama. Someone has to make you happy." He then brought a glance to Kakuzu who was watching the scene with a twitching brow. "So _Kakuzu_," he said with slight distaste. "I suppose you didn't bring a gift- what with breaking in and causing all around chaos."

Kakuzu straightened himself up to full height, puffing his chest out proudly. "Actually, I did. I prepared long before any of these _other _guys did."

Orochimaru raised a brow. "That's great. Now where is it?"

Kakuzu put a hand inside his cloak and then brought it out with his fist clenched, handing over his gift with a small strained smile. "Happy birthday. It's from the kindness of my heart."

Orochimaru blinked. "Um…what's this?"

"Your gift," Kakuzu told him.

"…"

"…"

Kakuzu looked at the man expectantly after an awkward silence passed between them. "Happy birthday," he said. "I said it twice now."

Orochimaru stared down at the coin in his hand. "…"

* * *

><p>Kakuzu protested loudly as he was thrown out of the house by Kidomaru. "Unhand me fiend! I demand my rights of invasion of privacy!"<p>

Kidomaru rolled his eyes. "That's not a right," he said, closing the door behind him with a resounding slam.

"Well I want my damn coin back!" Kakuzu hollered, raising a fist.

He harrumphed under his breath when no one answered, turning on his heel and stalking over to the rest of the Akatsuki who had taken refuge up on a small hill overlooking Orochimaru's residence and his now chaotic front yard.

Hidan pushed off the tree he had been leaning on when he saw his partner, lifting a brow. "So did the fucker invite us back in or what?"

Kakuzu narrowed his eyes, pointedly looking away. "_No_. He had that Kidomaru kid throw me out."

"Why?" Deidara looked at the older man from where he lay on the ground, making a flower necklace. "What did you do un?"

Madara handed the blonde a roll of twine from inside his cloak, glancing uninterestedly at Kakuzu although he had a cheery persona to keep up. "Tobi bets it was the type of present Kakuzu-san gave him! What did Kakuzu-san give to Orochimaru-san?"

Kakuzu cleared his throat importantly. "A ryo."

"…"

"…"

"What?" Kakuzu asked.

"Why do we even bother?" Konan mumbled, turning away.

Kisame hung his arms in exasperation. "Well did you at least find out anything of interest?"

"Hmph. I heard Kabuto mention something about bringing out a cake soon," Kakuzu reported, picking under his nail idly with his brows furrowed. He didn't particularly like being man-handled so roughly.

"I bet it was going to be good cake we'd have eaten if we got back inside…" Itachi wistfully trailed off. He then pointed accusingly at Kakuzu. "This is all your fault!"

"Tch. Whoever heard of presents before cake?" Kakuzu muttered, crossing his arms in annoyance.

Sasori snorted, glancing at him. "Don't be a grouch just because you got kicked out."

"I don't see why!" Kakuzu raged. "I gave him a stupid gift! Shouldn't he be happy?"

"Not when it's a ryo…" Kisame said with a slight sweatdrop. He sighed and waved a hand, looking back to his leader for some sort of guidance.

His leader who was currently speaking to a squirrel in a tree.

"No, no, that acorn's not the right size. Go back and fetch me another one!" Pein shouted before snapping his fingers at the furry creature.

The squirrel narrowed its dark eyes and then chucked the acorn it held at the orange-haired man's face, scampering back into the tree's knothole when Pein tried to blast it apart.

Pein popped a vein, shaking a fist at the tree. "Damn you!"

Kisame held out a hand. "Ano- Leader-san-"

Pein whirled around, spitting fire and eyes aflame. "WHAT?"

"N-N-Nothing," Kisame stuttered, turning around to face the other eight members. "Looks like we'll have to do things on our own. Leader-san's off his rocker."

"I heard that!" Pein exclaimed, drop-kicking the shark nin.

Konan lifted a brow and then ignored the two bickering and beating each other up. "Alright guys. Orochimaru seems to be having cake time soon. I say we ruin this…"

"But how?" Kakuzu tilted his head to the side. "All doors are sealed off and while it'd be easy to get rid of them, Orochimaru's bound to notice and try to have his little minions attack us."

"I think I have the answer un," Deidara said with a slow grin spreading across his face. He reached out and slung an arm around Tobi's shoulder, bringing him in close. "Tobi can teleport and stuff, right un?"

Sasori eyed him warily. "Yeah and…."

"And we should have him sneak in and mess with Orochimaru's cake un!" Deidara excitedly said. He reached into his cloak with one hand and pulled out a tiny box, shoving them at Tobi.

Madara took the box warily, not knowing what was inside. "Sempai…what is this?"

Deidara smirked. "Explosive candles. Switch them out with the others on the cake. I'll wait outside the window to make sure the job gets done hmm."

Everyone blinked in minor surprise.

"Wow Deidara," Konan approvingly said. "I didn't know you had it in you to be a leader."

The blonde haughtily turned his nose up. "But of course."

Itachi stared at him oddly and then shoved his hands down the back of Deidara's cloak.

Deidara blanched, wide-eyed. "What the hell are you-?"

"Wedgie!" Itachi eagerly shouted, pulling the blonde's boxers up and over his head.

"OW! YOU MOTHERFUCKING PSYCHO!" Deidara howled, jumping away in a blind state before stumbling over his feet and crashing to the ground.

Itachi grinned to no one in particular.

Those near him subconsciously put their hands on their lower backs and inched away.

Madara, feeling surprisingly sympathetic, knelt down beside Deidara and patted him on the shoulder as he writhed. "Don't worry Deidara-sempai. I'll take care of Orochimaru-san's cake!"

Deidara gave him a disgruntled look. "Thanks Tobi un."

"Alright," Kisame said, planting his hands on his hips. "You two handle the cake. We'll wait up here with Leader-san and make sure he doesn't get into anymore trouble."

Sasori raised both brows, scanning the hill they stood on top of. "Where is Leader-san anyway?"

Tobi helped detangle Deidara from his boxers and then pushed to his feet, juggling the box of candles in a hand while looking around the area. "Leader-san is over there," he said, pointing to the orange-haired man running away from them.

Kakuzu slapped a palm to his face and immediately gave chase to their leader who was wielding a giant pitchfork and hunting down a pack of rabbits. "Kisame, Konan- give me a hand!" he called over his shoulder.

Konan looked down at her hands. "But I need them…"

Kakuzu felt a vein begin to throb. "You guys are impossible!"

Kisame rolled his eyes, grabbing Konan by the back of her cloak and then bringing her along with him as he ran to catch up with Kakuzu.

Sasori watched them go and then faced Deidara who was brushing himself down. "Okay brat. I'll stay here with Itachi. You go with Tobi and handle those candles."

Madara lifted a brow dryly. "Really?"

Sasori blinked. "What?"

Deidara impishly grinned. "Sasori-no-danna."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Don't say it," Sasori warned.

"You're a poet and you didn't even know it! Take that un!" Deidara triumphantly yelled, sticking his tongue out over his shoulder before dashing away and pulling Tobi with him.

Sasori growled after the blonde, fully intending on hunting him down when Itachi snuck up to his side and stuck a finger in his ear.

A wet finger.

"Wet loogie!" Itachi hollered obnoxiously, laughing and then running down to where Pein and the others had disappeared.

Sasori released a heavy sigh of aggravation and stomped after the giddy raven.

* * *

><p><strong>-Meanwhile In the Kitchen-<strong>

* * *

><p>Kabuto hummed a pleasant melody to himself, adding the last candle into the cake that rested on the kitchen countertop. He was focusing his attention on his precious homemade dessert and the voice of his jubilant lord in the next room over.<p>

The members of Akatsuki might have dampened his lord's mood slightly, but Orochimaru was quick to bounce back to his normal vigor.

The birthday boy was supposed to be happy after all.

"Well thank _goodness _those ruffians are gone," Kabuto resolutely said aloud, wiping his hands on his batter-splattered apron. He sighed lightly, gazing down at his cake that he had worked so hard to make. Since three in the morning! "I guess I'll tell Orochimaru-sama it's ready. I hope he likes it…"

He pulled the apron over his head and hung it on a door hanger before exiting the room.

~X~

Deidara peered in through the window and then motioned for Tobi to come up beside him.

Madara did as told, only because he didn't feel like wasting his breath making a smart comment and then getting into an argument with the feisty blonde. "What's going on sempai?"

Deidara secretly pointed a finger against the glass window the size of a medium cereal box. "Kabuto has already put the finishing touches on the cake un. While he goes to tell Orochimaru it's ready, you sneak in and switch the candles, alright? But come out quickly."

Madara bobbed his head. "Oki-doki sempai~" he chimed before slipping into the kitchen with his jutsu.

"Good un." Deidara slunk back against the wall as Tobi vanished, checking their surroundings for any guests that may have been wandering outside and could spot them.

Madara tuned his ear to the sounds around him, hearing the bubbly chatter coming from all around the large house. He inwardly gagged. _So….many…happy people! I'm getting sick! _Quickly he moved through the kitchen to the counter where Orochimaru's cake was. He stopped and stared at it for a moment when he saw it looked like.

Multi-tiered with a purple, gold, and white color scheme. Written across the center in big red letters that looked oddly like blood, were the words: 'Happy 50th Birthday Orochimaru-sama!' At one corner was a happy assortment of colorful balloons, and in the other was a giant snake.

_I-Is that Manda…? Why the hell is he smiling? _Madara thought with a slightly freaked out expression. He shook his head to clear the disturbing thoughts in his head and then took out the box of candles Deidara had given him, noticing that they were the exact same color and design as the ones already inside the cake. He would have to remember to question the Iwa nin about that later…

Madara stuck the explosive candles in and then shoved the regular ones into his cloak. He turned around to leave when his eyes caught sight of a tube lying next to the cake. Out of curiosity, he prodded the squishy tube with a gloved finger to check if there was any icing left inside of it.

There seemed to be a decent amount.

Madara shrugged and began to leave again.

And then an idea popped into his head.

Madara cackled evilly under his breath, taking the tube of icing and adding another 0 onto the cake. He quickly ducked down as Kabuto walked into the kitchen, grinning in success when the medic nin grabbed the cake off the counter and headed back for the dining room where all the other guests and the birthday boy was.

Deidara knocked on the small window above the sink, peering through the glass with a curious expression.

Madara looked over his shoulder at the blonde and flashed a triumphant thumbs up.

Deidara grinned and made an 'okay' sign back, nodding for him to leave the house, and then vanished from sight.

~X~

Kabuto carefully carried his cake out to the crowded dining hall, scowling slightly when Tayuya tried to trip him. "Real mature," he said as he passed.

Tayuya stuck out her tongue before sitting back with Sakon and snickering at the medic nin.

Kabuto sniffed slightly and straightened his shoulders. "Immature idiots."

Orochimaru looked over at him as he walked over. "There you are Kabuto. What's wrong?"

"Nothing. It's not like anyone's picking on me or anything like that," Kabuto sarcastically muttered.

Orochimaru seemed concerned. "Was it that Suigetsu kid again?"

Kabuto shook his head. "No Orochimaru-sama. He's still in the test tube."

"Ah- okay."

"Now-" Kabuto placed the large dessert on the table in front of his lord, smiling broadly. "I made this especially for you. I know how much you like strawberry cake with chocolate icing. And it's got your little snake buddy on it- see? Right there," he pointed to the large snake in the corner of the cake.

All the guests tittered at the beautifully designed cake, mouths watering a bit.

Orochimaru happily grinned and then looked down at his specially made cake. "Thanks Kabu-" He stared at the words written on the cake.

"…"

"…"

"Kabuto?"

"Yes Orochimaru-sama?"

Orochimaru turned to look at him, a brow raised. "Why does my cake say 'Happy 500th Birthday'?"

Kabuto looked at the cake with wide eyes. "Hooo? I didn't know you were that old Orochimaru-sama!"

Orochimaru smacked him across the back of the head. "Don't be an idiot! Do I _look _five-hundred to you?"

Kabuto thoughtfully eyed the snake sannin. "Well…"

Orochimaru brought a palm to his face. "Nevermind!"

* * *

><p><strong>-Back Outside-<strong>

* * *

><p>Deidara snickered loudly to himself as he climbed the hill overlooking Orochimaru's house, Tobi right at his side. "Now for the best part! Are you ready un?"<p>

Madara pretended to gasp and heave for air, having to act up his Tobi persona. He crawled up beside his supposed sempai (because only _he _was the head honcho around here) and wheezed out, "S-Sempai…what happens now?"

"Hold on un," Deidara pushed to his feet, looking around. "I want the others to see this."

"We're here," Kisame said in a tired voice from behind him. "We're here…"

Deidara and Tobi whirled around to see Kisame holding a frowning Pein, both covered in twigs, sticks, and scratches from what looked to be from squirrels.

Deidara cocked a brow. "Do I even want to know?"

"No…" Kakuzu, looking just as roughed up as Kisame, stepped up on the shark nin's other side. "You most definitely don't want to."

Konan silently appeared beside Kakuzu, her pale face red with anger. "Let's…just get home as quickly as possible so I can bathe and get the mud out of my underwear…"

The men surrounding her blanched.

"O-Of course," they sweatdropped.

"We're here as well," Sasori said in a bored tone, dragging Itachi by his ponytail up the other side of the hill.

Itachi pushed out his bottom lip, chewing on a blade of grass. "I was having such fun setting bushes on fire."

"How would you like it is I set _you _on fire?" Sasori grumbled.

Luckily Itachi didn't hear, too busy wriggling his way out the puppet's grasp.

Kisame looked ready to drop dead. "Did you guys take care of the cake?" he asked Deidara and Tobi.

Deidara seemed to be very enthusiastic about this. "Hell yeah un!"

Madara brought his hands together. "Tobi switched out the candles like a good boy!"

"And now Orochimaru will pay for kicking us out un." Deidara grinned, forming a seal. "Time to light this baby! Katsu!"

They all heard a distant scream; a loud boom echoing all across the area.

The rest of the Akatsuki members applauded as Orochimaru's house burst into flames.

And then they turned to leave.

After all, destroying a person's party took a lot of effort.

Kisame wiped a remaining tear from the corner of his eye, sighing contentedly. "Ahh…he's _so _not inviting us next year."

"That's okay," Madara said with a cheery grin in his voice. "We'll just break in again."

"Here, here," the others intoned.

Except for Itachi who had yet to come off of his endorphins. "Hooray!" he shouted, throwing his arms up into the air.

And they happily walked off into the sunset, blatantly ignoring the cries and pleas for help from those on fire and Orochimaru's distant sobbing.

Pein smirked, running a hand through his hair.

Akatsuki was _so _badass.

He tripped over a rock a moment later.

Everyone crowded around.

"Are you okay, Leader-san un?" Deidara asked.

"What a klutz," Kakuzu muttered.

Pein raised lifted his chin off the ground, looking baffled. "I feel like we've forgotten about something."

The group members exchanged a glance.

"Did we?" Kisame questioned.

Konan picked at a clump of dirt in her hair. "Who knows?"

* * *

><p>While Orochimaru threw tiny pails of water onto the rising flames that surrounded him and his fellow henchmen, a certain two-toned plant was growling death threats under his breath as he pulled himself from underneath an upturned couch.<p>

Kabuto paused as he ran by, a large bowl of water in his hands. "Zetsu? What are you doing here?"

Zetsu growled, taking the bowl of water to put out the fire on his head. "Those bastards forgot about me!" **"That's it- we're quitting! Yeah that's right! Now who's going to buy you bitches pancake mix?" **

Kabuto raised a brow. "Um, Zetsu? Who are you talking to?"

Zetsu fixed the teen with a heavy glower and dark aura rising up behind him. "NO ONE! NO ONE ANYMORE!"

Kabuto hurriedly backed away. "O-kay then."

* * *

><p>The Akatsuki looked at one another and then shrugged, beginning to strut off into the sunset again.<p>

Akatsuki was too cool to worry about lost members.

Psh.

They were _definitely _badass.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: And that is the reason for Orochimaru's grudge against the Akatsuki. **

**Lol- just kidding :P **

**But I wouldn't be surprised if that happened... *mutters something inaudible***

**Anyway, I just hope you liked it **

**:D**


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